So many changes

We have been through so many changes over the past few months!

We relocated! I have my Dream job! I see Tye every night! 

I have this new piece of my heart to love on! My gorgeous niece is almost 2 months old! And I get to hang out withe my nephew!

I won a prize in a fair for this gorgeous frozen waterfall! I'm so happy!

I get to see my sister any time I want!

And to top it off, I have friends whom I absolutely adore who only live 3 hours away!

Yes, lots of changes. I am a paraprofessional for special needs high school littles! It is such an amazing job. I always wanted to be working with kids, but never thought I'd be working in high school. They have changed my world. I absolutely love it and hope to continue making a difference.  I've been thinking of returning to school, yes, again. I want to be an English teacher or guidance counselor! Pretty ambitious, huh?

I am still doing my photography and love it. It's so pretty here in Arizona. I can't wait to do many more shoots.

I live only a few blocks from my sister and get to see her, my brother, niece and nephew all the time! I absolutely love that I am able to. I enjoy what we share.

Some wonderful friends come up, and we go down, to visit them whenever we can. It's wonderful to have them nearby. They are sweet, adore my kids have have a little boy who also claims I'm his auntie! 

Tye has a job where he is home every night. I have always wanted this. I feel like a normal family! It's been rough to adjust, and we are still catching up with the cost of the move. Yet, I couldn't be happier.

Over all, life is pretty freaking awesome!

Little Things

I'm awful. I keep letting little things get to me. I keep thinking to myself things like, why do I bother? Should I just stop? Am I even appreciated?

I feel like I bust my ass, do my damndest and yet no "thank you"'s. no "Great job Shel!" no "I'm so glad to have you!" Nothing. I hurry through things to get stuff done for people, knowing damn well I could do better if I wasn't hounded to get it done. Wishing for that chance to prove I can be amazing.

I just want to be better I guess. To prove to myself that I'm good at what I do, that I matter to someone... anyone...

Okay, enough of that. I've been doing what I can to relocate: Trying to find houses and jobs in Arizona. I want so bad to move, to be near my sister, to visit with my nephew and that new baby. I love being close to family and am glad I have gotten closer to my sister.

I can only hope my girls have a good relationship with each other as they grow. They are pretty amazing. At the very least, they make me happy. They appreciate me. They need me.

 I am so beyond blessed to have them, and I realize that every day. They are smart, polite, good listeners and love to learn! They are always anxious for a History or Science lesson. I love that in them! They are great at sharing and taking care of each other. Yes, I am beyond blessed. I'm told continuously how wonderful my littles are, and you know what? I agree. I wouldn't trade them for the world.




Well I think this ramble-fest has gone on long enough.
Much loves where they go. I don't mean to come off growly or bitchy, just needed to vent! Y'all have a good night.

Ah an itchling to write some more.

Twice in one week! Oh my Lanta!!

Well, I have some randomness that bugs the living Hell out of me! Why do people worry about what's happening far away or rumors or things we can't help when there are so many issues close to home??!?

Want to feed the hungry? Look in your own neighborhood! There are many who are living as best as they can yet not able to feed themselves properly. They are doing the best with what they have, go without eating so their children can eat, and are too proud to ask for help. I've been there,

Want to prevent war? Start in your own household. Care for your family, your children, your spouse. They (or you) COULD be gone tomorrow. How will you stressing what's going on with people 4,000 miles away help you? It won't. You worry so much, pray.

Why fret over all the crap going on when you have enough crap around you to deal with. We all have problems, things we need to fix, etc. Sometimes we forget that the most important thing in our lives are those we have around us: our children, spouse, friends, etc. You should change your way of thinking. So many people play the "oh poor me" card instead of saying "what could I do to better my child's life?" I guess what bugs me most about this is I have always put myself last. I'm sick, oh well, gotta help kids with homework. I'm missing Tye, Oh well, I have to make these littles a yummy dinner. What if my tummy issues are far more than I'm imagining them to be? Oh well, my daughter is having a nightmare. I might just be THAT different from other people. I might be odd. I might be someone you hate because I am me, or someone you love for that very reason. My children ARE my reason to live, My reason to laugh, My reason to focus on bettering anything that involves them. Those three little girls mean more to me than anything else in the world.

Live it!

I've felt compelled to write for a while, but the words never seem to flow properly to express what I want to say. I decided I'm going to just bypass that and write, who knows, it might just come out the way I want! This post is not to make you feel bad for me or pass words of wisdom or sympathy. On FB I posted that I'm working on bettering myself. So here's a glimpse at me. Something I don't let in often.






I have always viewed myself rather negatively.

1. I hate my inability to lose weight.
2. I hate my profile, I have large cheeks.
3. I hate that I can't eat without hurting, regardless of what it is.
4. I hate that I'm not the perfect Mom for these girls
5. I hate that I'm not the perfect Wife for my husband.
6. I hate that I'm so blunt with no filter at times.

The list can go on for quite some time. Let's focus on some of these aspects I don't like.

#3... Yeah I've gone through a lot of pain after having my Gallbladder removed. For some people, it doesn't affect the way they eat. For others it does. For me, I had tried different things, eating "healthy" for two weeks, eating nothing but ice cream for a while, etc. I have done everything I can think to make it stop, alas I can't. I decided if I'm going to be in pain when I eat, I'll eat what I want. This is a downfall for me. I eat maybe one meal a day, because I don't want to go through that pain. Do I bitch about things? No, not often. I don't like the attention it brings. Should I go to the doctor and see if I could get some medical help? Probably. Will I? No.

That's something about me. I have always placed myself on the back burner. I wouldn't change if I knew better. I guess it started when I was a kid. It's rough to see your mom go through so much pain and all you want is to make her smile, to make her feel better. She gave me my nurturing nature. I always strive to help others, and I think that's a great quality of my own. I don't like spending money on myself. I always think it could go to better things, my husband, my kids, my Mom, a friend, something, but why would I deserve it? I don't. It's who I am, who I've been as long as I can remember. I do my damndest for those I love, whether it's financially, emotionally or just slapping them in the face and telling them to wake up. 

Okay back to my list. #4 and 5. I'm not the perfect Mom/Wife. I know that damn well. I do the best I can, knowing at times I'm failing. But I do know I'm a GOOD mom and wife. I care for my family with everything I have. Do we argue? Yep. Do we have times where we WANT to walk away? Yeah, who hasn't. Through what we'd been through in our past, we know that we can make it through anything together, as a family. I've always cherished family. There had been times where I had been upset with my parents or siblings, but they're part of who I am and I truly don't know where I'd be without them. I'm not close with any of my siblings with the exception of my sister.I want to set a good example but know I fail over and over. I'm trying! I keep getting back on the horse. Failing at something doesn't mean I've lost. I keep getting up and trying again, dusting off, sighing deeply and trying again. I know I'm doing SOMETHING  right: my girls are healthy, happy *I'm listening to them laugh right now. My favorite sound in the whole world.* and are great students. I've always told my girls I'm proud of them. I tell them to do their best. They're great kids and I'm beyond blessed to have them. 

#6:... oh bluntness. Yeah. I've driven a lot of people away with my bluntness. I bite my tongue 75% of the time, so imagine if I were to ALWAYS say what I want! I want so bad to say things like "Are you THAT stupid?" "Why are you focusing on that instead of what really matters?" "Really? just really?" Yeah I know I have faults too, but come on!!

What does matter to me: These three amazing girls. My friends *who really are the family I chose for myself*. My Family in general..... I'm so blessed it's ridiculous to think otherwise. 

I don't focus on me. I focus on those I love. I hurt, I cry, I try, I fail. Continuously. Seriously, Some people don't comprehend what it's like to be me. Is it hard? Sometimes, yes. Constant pain, Constant loneliness *but not as bad as it could be due to my Mom and my girls.* I have it better than most though. I have a job I love. A hobby that makes for amazing memories for me and others. Three incredible, smart, silly, fun children. Great parents who taught me so much growing up, and who are still encouraging me every day. A hard working husband who sacrifices himself so we could live happily and safely. Friends who, even though I don't talk to them often, truly love me and are honest to goodness great friends. I'm not a great friend but you bet your ass I try. I love all these people to pieces and would do anything for them. 

Well yeah, that's on my mind. I'm done boring you with information I really didn't mean to push on you, but hey, whatever. I'm not sorry to be me. I'm working on being a better me.

It's been a while

Hey beautiful People! It's been a while since I posted on here. I have a lot to say today.

Okay, TWICE this week, I was told something along the lines of "poor kids" *or overheard it* when it came to the discussion of television and video games. We have netflix and DVDs in my house. I do not have cable or satellite television anymore, nor do I have any gaming systems anymore. We didn't watch enough television to give us a good reason to keep it, as for video games, we played maybe once every six months. Yeah, my "poor" kids don't talk cartoons, toys, TV shows or video games with their friends at school. They don't care either. They don't ask for games or TV shows.


My kids have such incredible imaginations, they play sports, jump on their trampoline, read books, and enjoy the Hell out of life. We watch movies together and always have fun playing board games. We are not a normal family in this day and age, but you've no right to assume my children are lacking in communication with their friends or that they are lacking in their lives. The first time I heard someone say this was at the school I sub at. Yeah I'm a sub now by the way! Best job in the year, but we'll get to that. Anywho, one of the kids I was talking to had asked what my kids favorite video game was and was telling me all about Minecraft. I told them we don't have a gaming system anymore. We sold it due to a short check and bills needing paid. There was no need for us to keep something we used maybe twice a year anyways. One of the parents who was there to pick up their child had leaned over to another parent and said "those poor kids" whilst watching me talk to this sweet little. It's funny, the kid had nothing cruel to say, he just smiled and said it was cool to play sports and board games. He said he wished they had that at his house. Hmm... The second time this happened was today, in Wal-mart as I was grocery shopping. We walked right past the gaming section to the board games. Some lady said, "Oh they have that on Xbox and Playstation now." I don't remember which game I was looking at. I said, "We don't have a gaming system anymore." She walked away saying "oh those poor children." You freakin blockhead! No, My kids don't play video games, they get bored with them and always ask to go play outside instead. I've no problems with video games, mind you. We played Mario all the time when we were little. We just don't seem to enjoy them in our family. The only games we did play was Just Dance and Tye liked golf games. We just didn't get into them. Again, there is nothing wrong with them, I have many friends who play games on a regular basis. I've family who play games as well. We just don't play them in our house, no need to be hostile about it. :D

Yeah! I started Substituting in October. This job has shown me many things in my life:
1. This job is HARD! There are always kids who are going to push buttons and even though you want them to respect you and enjoy your being in their classroom with them, you still have to get on them. I don't like getting onto kids, especially when they are just being kids, but it's necessary to keep them in line so others can learn, too. 
2. Kids have the sweetest hearts, even more so than I originally thought. One little boy came up to me at recess and told me the sweetest, most sad thing I've ever heard.
Boy: Mrs. M. Emily is playing with Klay and not me. My heart only beats for Emily, not the Emily in my class but the one with red hair! 
Me: Aww honey, I'm sure they will let you play with them if you asked! 
Boy: But Mrs. M., Emily has a heart for Klay and not me! but my heart only beats for her and I'm so sad.
Me: Aww do you want me to talk to them?
Boy: No, I will get her heart to beat for me!
Can we get an Awww??!?
3. The love that these kids give me is incredible. I love that they recognise me, hug me and draw pretty pictures for me. I feel as if this is where I belong.
4. I believe that I was truly meant to be a teacher. I enjoy it so much and do my best to do a good job. I just want to make a difference in the world and these kids. They matter and will be important to our future!

My photography is going well. I love it. Not a whole lot of people are even bothering to give me a chance, but you know what? That won't stop me. I do what I love for wonderful people and do the best I can. I've gotten better at this editing funness. I'm not great, but I do my very best!! I am technically chasing two dreams and chasing them hard. I WANT to be a teacher and I WANT to be a photographer. Guess what? I'm both! Never cease from chasing your dreams.

Life is what you make it, right? Mine is blessed beyond all meanings of the word. I have an amazing family who loves me, friends who are there for me regardless, and two jobs I love dearly. My kids make me smile and so proud every day. They are my pride and joy and I couldn't be more grateful to have three such incredible little girls! Kylie just turned 11, my little girl isn't so little any more. :( I don't know who gave her permission to grow up, but they need to stop telling her! Good things still happen to good people.

Over all, I have a damn good life, and even though I don't get to see my husband as often as I'd like, I'm so lucky to have him. I love him with all I have and am so happy to have him. Many people don't have what I do, and I know I'm very lucky.

Okay, my ramblings are over! Sorry, just needed to write tonight! Much loves where they go!

The Life we Lead

Hi everyone. This is going to be a little bit different. Wait, not really. I'm pretty much going to ramble on until I'm done.

Hmm where to start.... I think I'll start with my photography. I started my own photography business. I'm not in it to get rich. I'm in it to help people who can't normally afford sitting fees and multiple prints. My prices are DAMN good prices and I stand by my work. I am learning to edit pictures as that's something I've never done. I know I'm not the BEST but I do know I'm good! I don't even care if you don't like me, I guarantee that you'll love the photos and will come back for more.
facebook.com/michelemccannphotography

I am missing my kids a lot this month. They've been in Wyoming with their paternal grandparents for 2 weeks and will be there until the end of the month. They're everything to me. We will be going up camping with Tye's great grandma and other family. I'm looking forward to it. I love them to death. I miss them and haven't seen the majority of them for 3 years or so. I, for one, adore my family, whether it's family that I'm married into or it's friends I've adopted as family, or my own family. I don't get along with the vast majority of my blood relatives but I do love them.

 Life is hard for everyone. We all fight for everything, working our butts off just to survive in this big, bad world. I used to be one of those who would complain about my spouse being gone. I love Tye to pieces and it's way hard having him gone three weeks at a time for work. He's my world. I am lucky, however. I get to see him whenever I am able to drive up to him, even if it's just a few hours. I get to talk to him daily, by either text or phone. I get to spend a solid week with him after his three week stint. Yeah, your hubby might be gone over night. It sucks. Yeah you might not get to see him for months or even years at a time. It sucks! You learn to deal. It never gets easier. 

Never be afraid to speak your mind. If you voice your opinion and people try to push you down, push back. They are no better than you. We are equal. I got into an argument with one of my previous professors about me saying "When I was younger, I didn't view my friends as Black, White or Hispanic." She told me that I  had to be "extreme white" to have views like that. I told her no, what I had with my friends then was real. I didn't see color, I saw personality. There are many people who are way ugly by learning of their personality. Looks aren't what makes you beautiful. If you have an incredible body, gorgeous face but a personality that just sucks, you are one of the most ugly people around. What happened to "we are American"? We are equal, we are all the same. You aren't better than me. I am not better than you. I'm an American Mutt and damned proud of that fact. I have friends who are White, Hispanic, mixed, Mormon, Baptists, Christians, tall, short, thin, bigger, and other differences. Why judge people by looks or backgrounds or religion? I believe in this, you believe in that, awesome, let's go have pizza. To put it bluntly, people suck. We are ruining our own country. Putting it in hands of those who scream "racist" when that has nothing to do with it, who take advantage of everything they can. Yeah, you gotta live for you, no one else. But really? Why not fight for what you want? Why not do the best you can in everything? Why not prove you are better than that?

What is Deployment?

Okay, I am going to write this for the MANY people who argue with me that Tye was not "deployed" in the military because he was stateside. In 2003, Tye was DEPLOYED to Fort Polk, Louisiana. Yes, that is a real deployment. Just because he was not sent over seas does not mean he didn't fight for our freedom! Lookie here:
"The deployment phase of the cycle begins with the physical movement of individuals and units from their home installation to the designated theater of operations. This phase of the deployment cycle can be a stressful time for servicemembers and their families as they face the realities of a deployment and what that means for them. The remainder of the deployment phase primarily involves the performance of military duties in support of the mission either in the theater of operations (overseas) or within the United States. Near the end of the deployment phase, the unit will begin preparations for its return to the home installation, culminating with the unit’s redeployment home." (Deployment, n.d.) This CLEARLY states that the deployment of our military members is ANYWHERE in this world.

The reason I felt the need to share this is when I proudly say that my husband had been deployed, many, many people argue with me. They say that "They are only deployed if they go overseas." This is a false statement, obviously. Being away from family and friends, if it's to Louisiana, Kenya, Iraq, Germany, is not easy on anyone. It's not the best lifestyle, and it is hard on both the servicemember as well as their family and friends. I was lucky enough for my husband to get out of the military when Kylie was young. I'm sorry but I am a family person, as is Tye. Yes, right now he is away from home 3 weeks straight then home only 1 week, but let me tell you, that week he's home every month, is always the best week when it comes to memories and family fun. I'd rather him be away from home for 3 weeks at a time than 6 months -2 years plus. My husband is my dearest friend, I stood beside him when he was in the military, I stand beside him now, working his butt off in the oilfield. He is a good man and deserves more respect than what many people give him.

Before you try arguing with me, you might want to check who you are talking to. Check your facts. I will never stand down when I know what is right. People who fight stateside deserve the same love and respect that people who fight in Iraq deserve.



Reference:
Deployment: An Overview. (n.d.). Military.com. Retrieved March 18, 2013, from http://www.military.com/deployment/deployment-overview.html?comp=7000023443512&rank=1