Working out

Today marks the beginning of a new me. I am working out, eating right and fighting to be more healthy for my kids sake. I will feel as amazing as people think I am. I want to be beautiful and healthy for Tye. He is my best friend and deserves someone who can keep up in life. Wish me luck because I won't give up.
On a side note, Mother's day weekend is going to be great. I get to spend the weekend with a friend at a spa! Tye will be with the kids, fishing, camping, or whatever. He is such a great Daddy.

School is going good. I just started my next set of classes. I love life. Live, dance, laugh and love. Live each day with love and joy.

Bullies

I watched Ellen today like I do every day, but today I cried sad tears whilst watching it. At the end of the show Ellen was talking to a couple who lost their son to suicide in 2009. He was bullied in school. I will never understand the hatred people could have for others just because they have differences. Why focus on differences? I am short with long dark hair. I am different than many people in many ways. Why is there so much damn hatred??? The way I see things, we all bleed the same color. I have been teaching my children to encourage friendships with all other kids regardless of their looks, religion, sexual orientation, or background. It's sad that these differences are what causes people to think poorly of others and makes them judge them. You want to hate on someone? Come hate on me! I can take it easier than many others because I know who and what I am. Your opinion is nothing. You don't feel how the victims of bullying feel. You who bully should feel ashamed. Not only is your opinion nothing but you are nothing. I support Ellen and JCPenny and others who are bullied for being different. Don't like it then kiss my a$$!!!!!

March Already?

March is halfway through. Spring has sprung, at least on the calender. My anniversary is coming up. My middle daughter is graduating from Kindergarten in a couple short months. Where did time go?

I know I haven't posted since December, time sure flies when you aren't paying much attention. We are doing good. School is great, I have a 3.96! I have a deep want to be working in the school system, either with young kids or with special needs kids. Passion, I guess is the correct word rather than want. I will have my Associates in Arts for Educational Paraprofessional in November and I will continue on another 22 weeks to achieve a second Associates in Early Childhood Education. Will I make a good teacher? I don't know the answer to that. I know that I will do my hardest to help students academically as well as be there for them to talk to, to help better them in all aspects of life. We all start out as students, then when we get married and have children, we become teachers. Parents have a hard life, focusing on their children, making sure they are safe, healthy, happy, have all their needs and everything in between.

Bit of a random thought, but how the Hell can people hurt children??!? I keep reading about child molesters, rapists, murderers, and so on. Those actions are bad enough but when done to children, it just irks me. Kids cannot defend themselves, they feel as if this stuff happens to them because they did something wrong. You want to feel big and bad so you do this stuff to babies? Want to know what you are? Afraid. You are afraid. Want to see what you mean to people like me? Come find out. Go stand in the middle of the Grand Canyon, or row a canoe into the middle of the ocean. You are insignificant, you are nothing, you are garbage.

KK sorry about that randomness. I have read too many sad stories about children being hurt and basically getting away with it. Makes me want to buy a 50 cal and take the judicial system into my own hands.

Ok, to lighten up this post, I shall bring up something that is very important to me: my friends and family. I've got the best of both. I have friends who have turned into my family,

family who has turned into my friends. I have joy, love, life... times are good! I am truly happy. I miss my husband a ton, but we've grown closer over the last few months. The time apart really hurts, but talking daily, texting, emails or by phone helps a lot. He's amazing, no question asked. I have friends that make me remember what real friendships are. High school was one thing, not many real friendships, just people who are trying to get through school. I can sadly count only two real friendships through High School. I have friends now, whom I have never met, or met once, who I can rely on. These friends are there for me to talk to when I need it. They help me rejoice in the good times. They even watch my girls grow up with me. These friends don't judge me by what I do wrong or differently than they do, they see me as a Mom who cares, a woman who is attending school to better her future, a friend who truly wants to be there for them. I hope they all know how much they mean to me. My Mom and I have gotten closer. I love her to death and hope she sees that she is vital to my life. I need her. My kids are growing into beautiful children, playing sports, doing great in school, growing up on me. They make me smile daily, many times a day. I've gotten to know several people on my husband's side of the family. They are incredible people who accept me for who I am.

I think I've rambled enough in this post, Promise to post a little more often than once every three months hehehe.

Love you, my friends, my family, my life. :D

Hello World

I know it's been a while since I wrote. I apologize for not writing to you more. Today, I feel like writing!

Christmas: Stress, Depression, Hard times, Loneliness... I had felt all these things at one point of time or another when it comes to this time of the year. I am happy this year. Truly happy. My Mom is coming out, Daddy might be here, my incredible husband will be here. We will celebrate by remembering one thing this seasons is supposed to be about: LOVE. People forget that.

I wanted to get many gifts for my girls this year, as they are amazing children who don't often ask for things or special treatment. My daughters are the face of Christmas. Last year my oldest asked me a sweet question. We were walking into Walmart and she asked about the "guy ringing the bell". I told her he was trying to raise money to help people who need it. She asked me if she could get money out of her piggy bank at home to put in his pot, I gave her a $5 to put in. We were watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition a few weeks back, there was a family that adopted special needs kids, as that's where their hearts led them. One of their kids was badly burned as a baby. She had no eye lids, no nose and was called a monster at school. My oldest, yet again, asked me why they called her such mean names. I told her the girls story and she told me, "But Mommy, she's beautiful. I would be her friend." Now tell me I'm not blessed.

I had not gone to church in many years, since I was in High School. I found many churches to be hypocritical and biased. If you didn't act a certain way, look a certain way or had a lot of money to give to the church, you were ignored, looked down on or just not welcome. I had been to several churches that dwell on the money given to them to make the church bigger and better. Don't they remember that Jesus preached wherever he wanted to? A church is just a building to gather. People could hold church, or fellowship in their homes, in the woods, in a gymnasium. It doesn't really matter WHERE you worship, it just matters that you do.
Now that said, my family and I have been attending church for one year now. The church we have been attending isn't rich with money or items, but rich in love and compassion. Last year they didn't even know us, yet gave gifts to my children knowing we were having a tough year. I could never thank them enough for the love they have shown my family over the past year. I have received enough hugs and assistance in other areas to make me smile one smile for every day of my life. My family is the youngest family in this church and my husband and I have tattoos and I have a piercing in my tongue, yet they don't look at us differently. We are loved. I feel that this Christmas is going to be amazing, not because I want it to, but because I have focused on much more this year than I have in previous years. I may not know you, but I love you. Pass it forward. Everyone Love Everyone. These little sayings hold more truth and heart in them than anything I've read in a book. Keeping your heart, mind and eyes open could guide you into a path you never thought you would see. I never thought I would find a place where church really was church, filled with joy, love, prayers, tears and mostly hugs. I never thought I would find a school for my children where the question, "Is there anything I can do for you?" was asked so often and hugs came as fast as grades. I feel loved, I feel joyful, I feel like I am wanted!

I want to wish you all an incredible Christmas. Remember one thing, love one another.
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is Love." 1st John 4: 7-8.

I love you all. It's not about gifts, it's not about what you don't have. It's about love.

Scary

There are a few things in life that scare the crap out of me. I don't like bees or wasps, I don't like being alone, I don't like watching horror movies alone. The thing that scares me most of all is breast cancer. Well cancer in general. I can be in control of the other things I'm afraid of, but cancer, I'm not in control of the outcome. I've always been afraid of cancer. I've seen a lot of heartache due to it. I've been through some heartache with cancer myself. My Grandma had cancer. I cannot remember what she had, but I know she suffered.
The school my children attend held a pep rally to honor those who are cancer survivors and to never forget those who were taken from us. They played this video, there was not a dry eye in that gym. Life throws us curve balls. This song shows us that with the love and support of family and friends, we can make it through anything.
I am truly blessed to have the friends and family that I have. I know that no matter what life throws at me, I am loved. So, I'd like to tank you all for being the people who love me and will help me through the hardest of times.

Take a Deep Breath

Sometimes you've just got to take a deep breath and one step forward at a time. I am so lost on what I want. Well, that's not fully accurate. I'd follow Tye to the ends of the world.
What in the world am I talking about? Well my husband, as most of you know, works away from home. He is gone for 3 weeks at a time, then home for one week. Now, we're looking at places to either rent or buy in or around the town he works in. If we are "local people" up there, his schedule would change. It would be 7 days on, 2 days off, then every three weeks he'd get a three day weekend. He would also be home ALMOST nightly, depending on if they need him in the field or if he's in the shop. The dilemma is we've grown accustom to this small town. I've made friendships, the school is amazing, and we found a church we actually enjoy going to. I know I can create this little world anywhere we go, but these people have made a home in my heart within the past two years. Do I go out with others? No. Do I see them anywhere other than the school or church? Not really. But I have such a great caring for them that I would do anything if they needed help. For instance, right now I'm watching a 4 year old boy whose Mom is having problems with her mother. To make a long story short, I'm watching him in the mornings for free. I have NO ill thoughts or regrets. He's a sweetheart and I know what it's like to have a tough time.
Back to my dilemma, I want to be where I can see my husband more often, where he could have a more active part in the girls lives. He is an incredible Daddy and an even better husband. He would do anything for me. We have such great communications that when we have problems, no matter what they are, we talk to each other. We've cried together, we laugh together, we feel each others thoughts and views. He's my best friend more now than he was when we were in High School together. The words "I Love You" are said not just daily but many, many times a day. Hugs and kisses are something that we both cherish. I may not want to leave my adopted family of a town, but if it means being with him more, and it would benefit my family more, we'd probably move up there. It's only two hours away from here *I don't have a running vehicle or I'd visit him more* so we'd be able to come down and visit, attend church and whatnot.
I think my biggest problem is all the help we've received from the school, church and other amazing people in this town. We moved here with nearly nothing. Tye was working a minimum wage job and we were just trying to keep our heads up. For the past two years, we've been slowly moving up, but will always remember how the school and church bought the girls gifts for Christmas, turkey/ham for the holidays, a shoulder to lean on and an ear to talk to. Heck, at the school last year, the business manager and the cheerleaders' coach made me a cake and bought me a birthday gift. I broke down to tears, these people have hearts of gold. My girls are adored at their school and give hugs to EVERYONE. I have been truly blessed during our time here. If we do move, it won't be anytime soon as we really want the girls to be able to finish the school year here.
I know, no matter what, I am loved. My family is adored. We will always have the relationships we've created here. I've changed a lot since we moved here. I've grown more. Not physically, of course, but emotionally, spiritually and, well, mentally. I have more faith in myself. I started school again. I'm achieving a 4.0 and doing my best. I find myself laughing over little things, remembering how laughter affects my heart. Ya know, it feels so good to laugh. I've grown closer to my husband and children. I am, finally, a good spouse, a good Mom and a good friend.

Life as we Know it

Sometimes I just don't want to care. I have had many friends... or acquaintances rather... turn their back on me. I always try to help out where I can, whether it be simply a message saying "I love you" to donating an old high chair to someone in need. We went to Canyon on Friday to give a gal who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old our old high chair seeing as we didn't have a need for it any more. Well the van was working all day long, not showing signs of any problems. Low and behold, when we dropped off the high chair, the van wouldn't start back up. We called a wonderful friend who was able to travel the 80 miles to help bring the van home. After we got home and got some sleep, we bought a new starter, thinking that was the problem. Replaced the starter to find, that's not what is wrong with it. Tye worked on the van the whole week he was home, yet the van still isn't working. Oh well, I'm out a vehicle for now. The thing that bums me out is I asked a "friend" if they could help me maybe at least try to pin down the full problem with the van, he said he's got too much going on and cannot help. Okay, that's fine. My biggest problem is I know they have the time to assist, I'm not asking them to FIX it for me, but to help me figure out what is truly wrong with this vehicle. UGH. Walk away, Shel.

My poor husband just worked a 34 hour day in the field. I miss him tons. I never thought of how hard it was to tell your children that Daddy's at work, but he loves you and misses you. I have to say this every morning and every night. Tye's a great Daddy and it shows with how much the girls ask about him. Danielle was mad at me last night because I told her Daddy was working late and we couldn't talk to him on Skype. Life sure is tough in this economy, but you have to do what you have to do.

Kylie and Danielle are running for Little Princess for their school. This is the first year they've had this competition in 10 years! We met the last girl to win, who is now a Junior in High school. She was in the 1st grade when she won. Saturday is the Cotton Festival as well as the day that the winner is announced for Little Princess. I hope the girls understand when I tell them that it doesn't matter who wins, they are beautiful and amazing in my eyes, as well as the rest of their family and friends' eyes. I will post pictures of them on their Little Princess Float. My girls are incredible. I love them with all my heart. Taylor is going to dress up too, can't leave her out even though she's too young to run for Little Princess.