Take a Deep Breath

Sometimes you've just got to take a deep breath and one step forward at a time. I am so lost on what I want. Well, that's not fully accurate. I'd follow Tye to the ends of the world.
What in the world am I talking about? Well my husband, as most of you know, works away from home. He is gone for 3 weeks at a time, then home for one week. Now, we're looking at places to either rent or buy in or around the town he works in. If we are "local people" up there, his schedule would change. It would be 7 days on, 2 days off, then every three weeks he'd get a three day weekend. He would also be home ALMOST nightly, depending on if they need him in the field or if he's in the shop. The dilemma is we've grown accustom to this small town. I've made friendships, the school is amazing, and we found a church we actually enjoy going to. I know I can create this little world anywhere we go, but these people have made a home in my heart within the past two years. Do I go out with others? No. Do I see them anywhere other than the school or church? Not really. But I have such a great caring for them that I would do anything if they needed help. For instance, right now I'm watching a 4 year old boy whose Mom is having problems with her mother. To make a long story short, I'm watching him in the mornings for free. I have NO ill thoughts or regrets. He's a sweetheart and I know what it's like to have a tough time.
Back to my dilemma, I want to be where I can see my husband more often, where he could have a more active part in the girls lives. He is an incredible Daddy and an even better husband. He would do anything for me. We have such great communications that when we have problems, no matter what they are, we talk to each other. We've cried together, we laugh together, we feel each others thoughts and views. He's my best friend more now than he was when we were in High School together. The words "I Love You" are said not just daily but many, many times a day. Hugs and kisses are something that we both cherish. I may not want to leave my adopted family of a town, but if it means being with him more, and it would benefit my family more, we'd probably move up there. It's only two hours away from here *I don't have a running vehicle or I'd visit him more* so we'd be able to come down and visit, attend church and whatnot.
I think my biggest problem is all the help we've received from the school, church and other amazing people in this town. We moved here with nearly nothing. Tye was working a minimum wage job and we were just trying to keep our heads up. For the past two years, we've been slowly moving up, but will always remember how the school and church bought the girls gifts for Christmas, turkey/ham for the holidays, a shoulder to lean on and an ear to talk to. Heck, at the school last year, the business manager and the cheerleaders' coach made me a cake and bought me a birthday gift. I broke down to tears, these people have hearts of gold. My girls are adored at their school and give hugs to EVERYONE. I have been truly blessed during our time here. If we do move, it won't be anytime soon as we really want the girls to be able to finish the school year here.
I know, no matter what, I am loved. My family is adored. We will always have the relationships we've created here. I've changed a lot since we moved here. I've grown more. Not physically, of course, but emotionally, spiritually and, well, mentally. I have more faith in myself. I started school again. I'm achieving a 4.0 and doing my best. I find myself laughing over little things, remembering how laughter affects my heart. Ya know, it feels so good to laugh. I've grown closer to my husband and children. I am, finally, a good spouse, a good Mom and a good friend.