You know what really sucks? When you've bent over backwards for a particular friend, yet you feel like they've slapped you in the face.

Back story: I've known this person from my childhood, lost contact, found each other years later and rekindled the friendship. I attended her wedding by selling many personal items to get there. I drove 3 hours one way many times for birthday parties or weekends at her house. Crap happened between us and her life went downhill for a while. Now this "friend" hasn't asked for an invite to my renewal and had told me that she doesn't even know where she will be emotionally during that time. I've tried being a better friend to her. I don't agree with a lot of what she's done or with what she's said. Yes, I've made many mistakes in my life, too. I feel horrible that she doesn't want to come to celebrate with us. I thought friendships we're better than that.
Oh well, I know I'm not the best friend to have. I know I'm a horrible person. I don't reach out, I don't ask for help, I don't start many conversations. I always feel like I'm bothering people when I do. The worst part of it is I do listen. I tell people when it's a bad idea to talk to me instead of arguing about certain things. I care, cry and laugh with you. I guess that's simply not enough.

Change the World

Hi my lovelies. Taking from TV shows and Movies *as I know the vast majority of us watch them continuously* I shall teach us all how we can Change the World!

This list is LONG but glance through, let's be that change!


First, let's look at Disney/Pixar/Dreamcast movies::


1. "Venture outside your comfort zone. The rewards are worth it." --Rapunzel (Tangled)


2. "All it takes is faith and trust." -- Peter Pan (Peter Pan)


3. "A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference." -- Eeyore (Winnie the Pooh)


4. "Even miracles take a little time." -- Fairy Godmother (Cinderella)


5. "If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead." -- Gusteau (Ratatouille)


6. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." -- The Emperor (Mulan)


7. "You control your destiny -- you don't need magic to do it. And there are no magical shortcuts to solving your problems." -- Merida (Brave)


8. "A true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart." -- Zeus (Hercules)


9. "Don't just fly, soar." -- Dumbo (Dumbo)


10. "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun." -- Mary Poppins (Mary Poppins)


11. "Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya." -- Laverne (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)


12. "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." -- Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)


13. "Believe you can, then you will." -- Mulan (Princess Stories)


14. "Today is a good day to try." -- Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)


15. "If you don't know where you want to go, then it doesn't matter which path you take." -- The Cheshire Cat (Alice in Wonderland)


16. "The things that make me different are the things that make me ME." -- Piglet (Winnie the Pooh)


17. "It's better to use your head than break your back." -- Ernst Robinson (Swiss Family Robinson)


18. "Admit defeat, and defeat will surely admit you into permanent custody." -- Beret Girl (An Extremely Goofy Movie)


19. "Listen with your heart, you will understand." -- Grandmother Willow (Pocahontas)


20. "Your identity is your most valuable possession. Protect it." -- Elastigirl (The Incredibles)


21. "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it." -- Rafiki (The Lion King)


22. "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." -- Winnie the Pooh (Pooh's Most Grand Adventure)


23. "If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk." -- March Hare (Alice in Wonderland)


24. "Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it." -- Merida (Brave)


25. "I'm only brave when I have to be. Being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble." -- Mufasa (The Lion King)


26. "Giving up is for rookies." -- Philoctetes (Hercules)


27. "Always let your conscience be your guide." -- The Blue Fairy (Pinocchio)


28. "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." -- Alice (Alice in Wonderland)


29. "Happiness is the richest thing we will ever own." -- Donald Duck


30."Just because it's what's done, doesn't mean it's what should be done." -- Cinderella (Cinderella)


31. "Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one." -- Grandmother Willow (Pocahontas)


32. "Change is good." -- Rafiki (The Lion King)


33. "The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability." -- Remy (Ratatouille)


34."Remember, you're the one who can fill the world with sunshine." -- Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)


35. "Do not be followed by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts." -- Merchant (Aladdin)


36. "Now, think of the happiest things. It's the same as having wings." -- Peter Pan (Peter Pan)


37. "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -- Walt Disney


38. "You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring." — Lumière, Beauty and the Beast


39."The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up." — Timothy Mouse, Dumbo


40. "Nothing's impossible." — The Doorknob, Alice in Wonderland


41. "The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work." — Tiana, The Princess and the Frog


42."If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew you never knew." — Pocahontas, Pocahontas


43. Beauty is found within." — Narrator, Beauty and the Beast


44. "If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." — Cinderella, Cinderella


45."Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved." — Pooh, Winnie the Pooh


46. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all." — Thumper, Bambi


47."It's up to you how far you’ll go. If you don't try, you'll never know." — Merlin, The Sword in the Stone


48. "Sometimes we only see how people are different from us. But if you look hard enough, you can see how much we're all alike." — Jasmine, Aladdin


49. "If you weren't you, then we'd all be a bit less we." — Piglet, Winnie and the Pooh


50."When life gets you down, do you wanna know what you've gotta do? Just keep swimming!" — Dory, Finding Nemo


51. "There's the whole world at your feet." — Bert, Mary Poppins


52. "Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories." — Genie, The Return of Jafar


53. "Venture outside your comfort zone. The rewards are worth it." — Rapunzel, Tangled


54. “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” —Winnie the Pooh


55. “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” —Winnie the Pooh


56. “You are my greatest adventure.” — The Incredibles


57. “It’ll turn out all right in the end. You’ll see.” — Beauty and the Beast


58. Look inside yourself. You are more than what you have become. Mufasa’s Ghost, The Lion King


59. “You’re mad, bonkers, off your head! But I’ll tell you a secret: all the best people are.” Alice Kingsley, Alice in Wonder Land


60. I’m bad, and that’s good. I will never be good, and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me. Wreck-It Ralph, Wreck-It Ralph


61. A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat. The Emperor of China, Mulan


62. “Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.” – Lilo, Lilo and Stitch


63. “No, I won’t stop. For every minute of the rest of my life, I will fight!” Rapunzel, Tangled


64.“What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?”
“It will be.”
“And what if it is? What do I do then?”
“Well, that’s the good part I guess. You get to go and find a new dream.” Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, Tangled


65. “Some people are worth melting for.” Olaf, Frozen


66.“Don’t trust someone who says you can’t do it. Show them you can!” Rapunzel, Tangled


67. “You don’t lose hope, love. If you do, you lose everything.” Mrs. Potts, Beauty and the Beast


68. “To live would be an awfully big adventure!” Peter Pan, Hook


69. Fairy tales can come true. You gotta make them happen, it all depends on you. – Tiana, Princess and the Frog


70.Sometimes the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain. – Alice, Alice in Wonderland


Movies in General::


1. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. –Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off


2. Get busy living, or get busy dying. – Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption


3. Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we missed. – Benjamin Button, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


4. “Don’t ever let somebody tell you you can’t do something, not even me. Alright? You dream, you gotta protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want something, go get it. Period.”


– Chris Gardner, from The Pursuit of Happyness


5. “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”


– Gandalf, from Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring


6. “Some people can’t believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first.”


– Sean Maguire, from Good Will Hunting


7. “Every man dies, but not every man really lives.”


– William Wallace, from Braveheart


8. “I know what I have to do now. I’ve got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”


– from Cast Away


9. ”Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain’t how hard you can hit. It’s how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It’s how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.”


– Rocky, from Rocky Balboa


10. “Someone I once knew wrote that we walk away from our dreams afraid that we may fail or worse yet, afraid we may succeed.”


– Forrester, from Finding Forrester


11. “Kid, there are heroes and there are legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you’ll never go wrong.”


– Babe Ruth, from The Sandlot


12. “I don’t want excuses. I know what you’re up against. We’re all of us up against something. So you better make up your mind, because until you have the balls to look me straight in the eye and tell me this is all you deserve, I am not letting you fail. Even if that means coming to your house every night until you finish the work. I see who you are. Do you understand me? I can see you. And you are not failing.”


– Erin Gruwell, from Freedom Writer


13. “You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death. When their souls got to the entrance to heaven, the guards asked two questions. Their answers determined whether they were able to enter or not. ‘Have you found joy in your life?’ ‘Has your life brought joy to others?’”


– Carter Chambers, from The Bucket List


14. Frodo: “What are we holding onto, Sam?”


– Sam: “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.”


– Frodo and Sam, from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


15. “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”


– Clarence the angel, from It’s a Wonderful Life


16. “In this life time, you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody, except yourself. And after what you’ve gone through,if you haven’t done that by now, it ain’t gonna never happen.”


– Fortune, from Rudy


17. Robin Williams: ‘Dead Poets Society’


“They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen. You hear it? Carpe—hear it? Carpe, carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.”


18. Ryan Gosling: ‘Half Nelson’


“Change moves in spirals, not circles. For example, the sun goes up and then it goes down. But every time that happens, what do you get? You get a new day. You get a new one. When you breathe, you inhale and you exhale, but every single time that you do that you’re a little bit different than the one before. We’re always changing. And its important to know that there are some changes you can’t control and that there are others you can.”


19. Michelle Pfeiffer: ‘Dangerous Minds’


“You asked me once how I was gonna save your life. This is it. This moment.”


20. William Daniels: ‘Boy Meets World’


George Feeny: Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good.


– Topanga: I will never forget you [Mr. Feeny]. You were more of a father to me than my own dad.


– Shawn: You never gave up on me. Never once. I’m not going to forget you. You’re the best person I know.


– Eric: I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. But I do know that I’m going to be a good person who cares about people. And I blame you for that.


– Cory: You’ll always be with us. As long as we live, okay?


– George Feeny: I love you all. Class dismissed.


21. Richard Dreyfuss: ‘Mr. Holland’s Opus’


“Playing music is supposed to be fun. It’s about heart, it’s about feelings, moving people, and something beautiful, and it’s not about notes on a page. I can teach you notes on a page; I can’t teach you that other stuff.”


22. Matthew Morrison: ‘Glee’


“It’s not the broken dreams that break us. It’s the ones we don’t dare to dream.”


23. Samuel L. Jackson: ‘Coach Carter’


“l came to coach basketball players, and you became students. l came to teach boys, and you became men.”


24. “Life is not the amount of breaths you take it’s the moments that take your breath away.”
-Will Smith (Hitch)


25. “It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.”
Batman Begins (2005) – Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes)


26. “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out?”
What a Girl Wants (2003) – Ian Wallace (Oliver James)


27. “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
A Cinderella Story (2004) – Sam’s Dad (Whip Hubley)


28. “No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”
Dead Poet’s Society (1989) – John Keating (Robin Williams)


29. We are who we choose to be. – Green Goblin, from Spider-Man


30.Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. – Heath Ledger, from 10 Things I Hate About You


31. I don’t regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do. – from Empire Records


32. I’m tired Boss. Mostly, I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. – John Coffey, The Green Mile


33. You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours. – White Queen, from Alice in Wonderland


34.After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. – from Shrek


35. It’s what you do right now that makes a difference. – from Black Hawk Down


36. Me, I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look for because it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re a part of something and if you find that moment, it lasts forever. – from The Beach


37. Even the smallest people in the world can change the course of the future- Lord Of The Rings






Now, my lovelies, let's make a difference by what we've learned. Be good. Do good

It's been a while!

I know it's been a while since I wrote to y'all. I have wanted to write but couldn't find words that fit at the time. Right now I feel the need to talk to y'all about things that matter, at least to me. Sit back, grab a drink/snack and get ready for more of my infamous ramblings!

I'm going to start with my life right now. It's STRESSFUL!!! I love what I'm doing, I love everything that keeps my days busy. I love that I am helping more kiddos this year, yet I miss being with the kiddos I had last year. They will always have a certain spot in my heart. I love the look on kids faces when they "get" things they've been struggling with. For instance, geometry! Yeah, that isn't easy to learn as it is. I'm relearning every day in order to help these kiddos. Once we go over things in class and they come talk to me afterwards asking for extra help to comprehend it, then it's one of those "Ah ha!" moments! Those are the best. It's a true blessing to see that I am beneficial to some people. I'm learning that I matter!!!





I've been put down more so then I ever have growing up. They, for some reason, dislike me. I'm okay with that and I'm learning to block out them when they talk to me. It's better than me blowing up at them. The thing is I know I'm needed, I've heard it out of their mouths. "She's great with the kids and amazing at math, which is a rarity for this school." My kids *yeah I call all the kids at the school mine haha, I have a lot!* show me every day that I'm a necessity for them. They have respect for me, as I do them. I treat them as equals, I talk to them and make sure they know they matter. I remember high school. I was a social butterfly, but there was always "drama" and BS from people who thought they were better than you. I had days where I'd hide out in a tree or near our house after school and bawl. The only time I let them see me get upset was when I wrote an essay about a significant change in my life. I wrote about when we moved to Wyoming from California. My grandma passed within 7 months of us being there. I write it my senior year, 4 years after it happened. I let them see a part of me that I don't let out much. That was the only time I let them see that part. 

I get upset a lot now, but my anger turns to tears, which makes me feel as if those "above" me view me as someone who is insignificant, someone who is emotional. I was told that the reason why I've taken so much to heart this year is because I do truly care about what I'm doing. All I want to do is make a difference. That's all I've ever wanted to do. 

Kylie is in sports again this year. Her grades are good. She's playing the flute for a second year and in student council. I always get compliments about what a wonderful personality she has. She's always willing to help, befriends those who need a friend and is honest. She's a treasure that I couldn't be happier to have. 

Danielle is playing the trumpet for the second year and loves it! She has great grades and is so good at math, she astonishes her teacher. I worked with her over the summer on PEMDAS or Order of Operations. Her class isn't learning those until the end of the year. She loves showing her math teacher what she can do with it. She takes on helping classmates who have issues with any subject and helping them understand things. She has one more year before she can start sports. She's funny, smart and sweet. 



Taylor is still a little princess. She likes reading and making new friends. She loves her teacher this year and is really enjoying 3rd grade. I talked to her teacher during APTT night *basically group parent/teacher conference* and she informed me that Taylor is a true joy to have, is very helpful and is willing to work hard. 

I'm so blessed to have such wonderful kids. They make me smile and laugh even on my worst days. I sure do love them. 

My hubby works his butt off, but compared to previous years, he is home every night. It's a new way of life for us, and we love it. He loves that he's able to get to some games and other school related things for the girls. He helps them with homework, and teaches them things constantly. We went camping and will go on many more camping trips, and he taught the girls so much. They love having their daddy home. I fall in love with him more and more every day. Yeah we have some rough days, arguments and whatnot, but over all, we're pretty dang happy. I wish there was more I could do for him to show how much I love him! 









I don't know if these quotes happen to be written well for the movies they're in, or if they were written specifically for/from this actor, but I love them. It's kinda ironic that so many quotes from so many different movies could all be spoken by the same outstanding man. You don't want my opinion on suicide, but Robin Williams is truly missed. These quotes I'm going to write out and put around my every day life. They are a great reminder....

"Imagining something is better than remembering something." - The World According to Garp

"The human spirit is more powerful than any drug, and THAT is what needs to be nourished; with work, play, friendship and family. These are the things that matter." - The Awakenings

"You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to." - Good Will Hunting

"I try to make sense of things, which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am." - Bicentennial Man

"What some folks call impossible is just stuff they haven't tried before." - What Dreams May Come

"No matter what anyone tells you, words and ideas can change the world." - Dead Poets Society

"Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death." - Patch Adams

"You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win no matter the outcome!" Patch Adams

"Please don't worry so much, because in the end, none of us have very long on this earth. Life is fleeting, and if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky, when the stars are strung across the velvety night, and when a shooting star streaks through the blackness turning night into day, make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular!" - Jack

"To live would be an awfully big adventure!" - Hook

"Carpe Diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary!" - Dead Poets Society. 

and a quote straight from Mr. Williams::

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it!" - Robin Williams


These quotes simply remind me of life itself. We cannot do everything to fix things that are wrong, but we can always do something. Don't live for the past, and don't live for the future. You can focus on the future and what you want to become, chasing dreams and whatnot; however, live for today. Spread a little kindness. A little love truly goes a long way. 

My lovelies, this is all I have to say for now. I hope I didn't bore you too much. There are just times where I need to let things loose, and regardless of the outcome of these actions, I'm happy. Things are hard, but life is great. I choose to view things in a positive way. I challenge you to change your POV to something positive when things are tough. You can make it through!

Well then!

Good Afternoon people! I am frustrated, disappointed and fed up. How are you?

I've been searching for a second job for 3 months now. It is beyond hard to comprehend why companies won't hire when they said they're hiring. I am working my butt off in the current job I have. We are behind on bills and struggling to remain upbeat. I refuse to show my discouragement in front of the girls. They are happy, healthy * mostly* and enjoying life.

So... to change my point of view on rough times, I'm going to start focusing on something a little more important.
 I am working out every day, little workouts, but it's a start. I am also going to go to the Doctor to get blood work done to find out if there is anything that can be fixed.

I am still pursuing my photography but I'm not getting a lot of people interested. These pictures were of my nephew's 4th birthday. My awesome, possum husband dressed as Batman to help my nephew celebrate. It was a lot of fun!

We had gone to Out of Africa, which is an amazing place. This beautiful white tiger was just chilling, so we took a picture of my loves with him. I love the way it turned out.

 Then this giraffe just followed us down the fence line and when we stopped, he looked down at Taylor and it was just so dang cute! I think he asked her to take him home with her!

When all is said and done, we have chosen to focus in a healthier tone. Laughter, joy, smiles, and pure happiness are what we focus on now. It's certainly hard sometimes, but so worth it.  

Why not focus on the positives in life rather than the negatives? 

Hard Times

We all have some severely hard times in life. It's part of life. What really matters is how you deal with it, what you do to make them not as rough on you.

I am not a fan of Christmas or New Years. Here is a little history::: ***This is from my memory, pieces may not be as written but I was 14, I've made many more memories since then***

Between the years of 1983 *the year I was born if you can't do math ;)* and 1998 my parents, siblings and I would celebrate Christmas in Hayward, California. My Granny lived there. She was an amazing woman. I had LOVED Christmas because we would visit her and her neighbors happened to be my childhood best friend. I haven't seen nor heard from her since 1998. That's another story though. I loved the whole family time, smiling faces, hugs, laughter and a house full of people who loved you. It was so amazing. Christmas morning would go something like this: Us kids *my 4 siblings and I* would be sleeping on the couch/floor in the living room. One of us would always wake up at 3ish in the morning, get excited, wake our siblings up as quietly as youngsters could, grab our stockings, sneak to the bathroom, turn on the light and play with the toys in our stockings. We would then put them back on the hooks and go back to sleep. Next we would smell coffee, and wake to the view of Granny sitting at the table with the newspaper in her hand, smoking a cigarette and drinking her coffee. She would be coughing, but would always have a smile on her face when she saw we were awake. She'd smile and tell us older ones that there was cereal in the cupboard. We would all peak under the tree, but weren't allowed to pick up any gifts or snoop completely. The rules were we could not open any gifts until everyone was here and awake. We would all sit around, talking, playing outside, playing with our stockings... Family would start arriving, my uncle, his family, my great aunt and great uncle... it was so awesome. 9 kids, great bunch of adults. My aunt, however, would be the last awake, take a nice LONG, hot shower. Us kids would be slowly dying! Then, finally, around 11, she would emerge. We would have one kid *me or my older brother usually* play Santa as we called it. We would give people gifts as we pulled them out, trying to make it fair. It would be a lot of laughter, fun, messes... I loved it! It was so much fun, so much love...
      Then came 1998... The summer of 1998 my family relocated to Wyoming. I loved Wyoming. It was so new, so pretty and I had so many friends. I met my now husband that year. He's pretty amazing. Anywho. I was angry at my granny that year. After she fawned over my older brother, attending his 8th grade graduation the previous year, she did not attend my 8th grade graduation. I was so mad at her. I was hurt. I  felt like my older brother was more liked, etc. The 8th grade graduation was in California still, about a month before we relocated. It seriously broke my heart. We moved, got along in our lives, had a great start in Wyoming. It was so fun to have a new start, for things to be different. New friends, new school, new everything. I was still angry at my Granny but was looking forward to Christmas, to go back and for that tradition to remain the same. Then we got the news. Granny was very sick. She had cancer. She didn't want us to live with the pain of her dying, which is why she didn't tell us. I was back to being angry. We visited her as a family. She was hooked up to hoses and had wires coming out of her. Looking back at pictures, I can see that I didn't want to be there, didn't want to see her that way. In the pictures, I was in the back, standing away from her. I was even more angry at her. One last thing she could have done for me and she didn't want to come to my graduation the June before! Yes, I look back now and realize I was selfish but, again, I was 14. My Mom went

 back for her funeral after she passed away January 1, 1999 at like 2AM. I haven't really liked Christmas nor New Years since. It's still rough on me, but I'm trying. I want to be better at this Holiday stuff.

Now I grew up helping take care of my family. My mother suffered *and still does* from depression. We did not have it easy as kids, but we always made it work. I look back now and I don't remember the times Mom was in the hospital due to her depression. I don't remember

the times things seemed impossible. I don't remember a lot of anger *other than at 14* I don't remember the hard times. I remember laughter, I remember times at rivers and lakes, parks and even in our backyards. We certainly didn't have life easy, but we had a lot of good times, happy times, uplifting times. I think, for the most part, the reason I remember those times is because I choose to. I am changing my views on Christmas and New Years, because I choose to. I choose to be happy, to not follow the path that diminishes your value for life.

A lot of people I know either threaten or speak of suicide. I have had friends commit suicide. I have seen depression and stress. I will flat out tell you I don't agree with suicide. There is always help, someone to talk to, somewhere to go. When you commit something as horrible as suicide, you might take your pain away, but you give pain to so many others. I've always tried to help those I know who have hard times, I am easy to talk to, honest, and will tell you, not necessarily what you want to hear, but

 what you may need to hear. I am always willing to help find what you need. You are never alone. You have people who care, people who want... who need you with them. Life is what YOU choose it to be. We all have dark times, we all have rough patches. You can pull through. Prove yourself that you are stronger than you assume. You may have bullies or haters, prove to them that you are so much more than you believe. I had a guidance counselor at school tell me I was nothing, I was going to amount to nothing and that I wouldn't matter to anyone or anything.

You read that right! a GUIDANCE COUNSELOR! at HIGH SCHOOL!!! Guess what. I'm chasing dreams. We may be struggling but we have a roof over our head, a vehicle to take us to work, jobs that are amazing. I love my job. it's proven to me that dreams change. I always thought I was bound to work with elementary school kids, but never thought I'd be working with high school kids. There are so many who have been pushed under the radar, teachers who pass them to get them out of their

class, whether they comprehend what they need to or not. Teachers calling kids stupid, not willing to help, not caring if they succeed in life. I want to help kids prove, not only to themselves but those who tell them otherwise, that they are worthwhile. That they matter!! You matter. Don't ever forget. People DO care, you need to stop focusing on those who don't. There are always going to be people who don't care, who don't matter to your future.

Life is what you make it. You want to be a chef? A nurse? A teacher? DO IT! You'll always have someone backing you. I have your back, I will be your cheerleader. I will be your pillar when you don't think you can stand on your own two feet. When life gets rough, remember, you aren't alone. Pray, Call me, Write it down. Keep your head up. As one little fishy I will always love once said, "Just keep swimming". I will end this long rambly post with this::: May you remember the times where you laughed, where life was carefree, but remember what made you who you are. The rough patches are hard, but it's given you strength. You are worthwhile, you matter and you are loved. Merry Christmas my friends and Family. You will always be enough. And a very happy New Year.

So many changes

We have been through so many changes over the past few months!

We relocated! I have my Dream job! I see Tye every night! 

I have this new piece of my heart to love on! My gorgeous niece is almost 2 months old! And I get to hang out withe my nephew!

I won a prize in a fair for this gorgeous frozen waterfall! I'm so happy!

I get to see my sister any time I want!

And to top it off, I have friends whom I absolutely adore who only live 3 hours away!

Yes, lots of changes. I am a paraprofessional for special needs high school littles! It is such an amazing job. I always wanted to be working with kids, but never thought I'd be working in high school. They have changed my world. I absolutely love it and hope to continue making a difference.  I've been thinking of returning to school, yes, again. I want to be an English teacher or guidance counselor! Pretty ambitious, huh?

I am still doing my photography and love it. It's so pretty here in Arizona. I can't wait to do many more shoots.

I live only a few blocks from my sister and get to see her, my brother, niece and nephew all the time! I absolutely love that I am able to. I enjoy what we share.

Some wonderful friends come up, and we go down, to visit them whenever we can. It's wonderful to have them nearby. They are sweet, adore my kids have have a little boy who also claims I'm his auntie! 

Tye has a job where he is home every night. I have always wanted this. I feel like a normal family! It's been rough to adjust, and we are still catching up with the cost of the move. Yet, I couldn't be happier.

Over all, life is pretty freaking awesome!

Little Things

I'm awful. I keep letting little things get to me. I keep thinking to myself things like, why do I bother? Should I just stop? Am I even appreciated?

I feel like I bust my ass, do my damndest and yet no "thank you"'s. no "Great job Shel!" no "I'm so glad to have you!" Nothing. I hurry through things to get stuff done for people, knowing damn well I could do better if I wasn't hounded to get it done. Wishing for that chance to prove I can be amazing.

I just want to be better I guess. To prove to myself that I'm good at what I do, that I matter to someone... anyone...

Okay, enough of that. I've been doing what I can to relocate: Trying to find houses and jobs in Arizona. I want so bad to move, to be near my sister, to visit with my nephew and that new baby. I love being close to family and am glad I have gotten closer to my sister.

I can only hope my girls have a good relationship with each other as they grow. They are pretty amazing. At the very least, they make me happy. They appreciate me. They need me.

 I am so beyond blessed to have them, and I realize that every day. They are smart, polite, good listeners and love to learn! They are always anxious for a History or Science lesson. I love that in them! They are great at sharing and taking care of each other. Yes, I am beyond blessed. I'm told continuously how wonderful my littles are, and you know what? I agree. I wouldn't trade them for the world.




Well I think this ramble-fest has gone on long enough.
Much loves where they go. I don't mean to come off growly or bitchy, just needed to vent! Y'all have a good night.